


Obi-Wan's Insecurity

by WingletBlackbird



Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi's Character [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Archived From Tumblr, Gen, Meta Essay, Nonfiction, Originally Posted on Tumblr, cross-posted from tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 05:52:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17016960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WingletBlackbird/pseuds/WingletBlackbird
Summary: Obi-Wan's struggles as being trapped between his wants and pleasing the Jedi Council, and the consequences.





	Obi-Wan's Insecurity

I’ve spent a lot of time talking about how  _Anakin_  was negatively affected by  the Council’s methods, now I’d like to talk about  _Obi-Wan_ was affected, because he was dealing with a boatload of insecurities too. We know from even the OT that Obi-Wan likely faced discrimination from the Jedi for being “too angry.” When Yoda accuses Luke of “too much anger”, Obi-Wan replies he was the same way, “if you recall.” According to the old EU, master after master overlooked Obi-Wan, despite his talent, on the grounds he was too aggressive. The Jedi Initiates all knew if they weren’t chosen by a specific age they’d be sent to the Service Corps. As a consequence there was massive pressure on them, and that pressure did Obi-Wan little good in terms of confidence and self-worth.He was taught–through their actions, if not their words and formal lessons,that his value lay in his “Jedi-ness” and not his inherent dignity as a sentient being. He, like many his age, felt frequently desperate to prove himself as a result. This only heightened his so-called aggression, because he wanted to be the best. However, after a series of interesting “coincidences” he is, eventually, taken on by Qui-Gon, (who had initially rejected him for his anger), and Obi-Wan never  _ever_  forgot that his  _feelings_ , his  _perfectly understandable_  emotions, were what nearly got him shunted to the side. 

Obi-Wan wrestles with this for as long as he is a Jedi. There is a fanon concept I’ve encountered of Obi-Wan being the “reluctant warrior.” He is not. This is a man who chuckles at the idea of “spring the trap.” This is the man who grins during combat, and flirts with his enemies. Obi-Wan enjoys the thrill of a fight…and knows that a Jedi shouldn’t. It scares him. It scares him so much that after he kills Darth Maul he alters his fighting style to be less offensive on the grounds he couldn’t be certain he hadn’t touched the Dark Side that day in fear and vengeance. Obi-Wan lives in an ever-present fear of not being good enough. This contributes to his desire to please his Masters. It is a notable part of his need to appease Qui-Gon after their disagreement; (note Qui-Gon does not apologize to him, but Obi-Wan is quickly contrite, and knows his place.) Obi-Wan was taught from a very young age that his emotions, especially his more aggressive feelings, were unacceptable and would lead to his rejection. Therefore, he is afraid of his feelings, and afraid that in not being able to stop the more “Dark” ones, he is a failure. Obi-Wan is, although he struggles to show it, a very loyal individual who values his “attachments” highly. (He loves Anakin and Qui-Gon to pieces, he doesn’t know what to do with it; he tries not to show it overtly.) The notion of rejection is horrible to him, so he “buries his feelings deep down.” He's not supposed to be so "attached," after all.

The most obvious example of Obi-Wan’s loyalty is found in his relationship with Qui-Gon. It’s clear that Obi-Wan is very loyal to Qui-Gon, which is not surprising given Qui-Gon trained him when no one else would, and when they fall out in TPM, it is Obi-Wan who attempts to mend the rift. (Even if it were Qui-Gon’s actions in the Council room that were the more callous and hurtful in terms of their relationship.) Moreover, when Qui-Gon dies, he obeys his Master’s dying words, and defies the Council to do it. This is doubly significant, because we also know that Obi-Wan is ambitious. He tells Qui-Gon earlier in the movie that “If you would just follow the Code, you would be on the Council.” Obi-Wan, (unsurprisingly), thinks is is a bad idea to cross the Council, but he also wants to  _be_  on the Council, and to that end he far prefers to toe the line. (We are not going to exceed our mandate, my young Padawan Learner!) Nevertheless, just after he is Knighted, he crosses the Council to train a boy he barely knows, because, even if he won’t admit it openly, he loves his Master. 

This only heightens Obi-Wan’s fears. Obi-Wan needs to feel a part of something greater. He needs to be accepted. He needs to be a Jedi whatever sacrifice it costs him. Now his Master is dead, and he has crossed the Council to train a boy they are wary of proving a strong and shameful attachment. What’s more is this boy could be the Chosen One. Could one young man, (Anakin or Obi-Wan), be under  _more_  pressure? Yoda’s outright told Obi-Wan he doesn’t approve. For someone like Obi-Wan who’s looked up to Yoda all his life, that is rough. This must naturally cause problems, because Obi-Wan is grieving, angry, scared, and told he cannot feel all of this, especially now when the Council is breathing down his neck. He is emotionally off-balance and has no help, and little to no support. This is no way to train a traumatised young boy, but Obi-Wan has little other recourse. It is an impossible situation and he doesn't feel safe.

So what happens? Obi-Wan comes down hard on Anakin. There are several reasons for this. 1. Obi-Wan wants to make Anakin a “perfect” Jedi; this is all he understands 2. Obi-Wan is so lost in his own devastation, he is struggling with empathy 3. he is terrified of the Council’s reaction if Anakin isn’t everything he should be. The latter reason is the most important. Anakin’s asking about his mother. The Council calls that attachment. Obi-Wan tells him no. Anakin has nightmares, (regular ones), Obi-Wan tells him “dreams pass in time.” Anakin is scared in a new environment. Anakin is angry he is being bullied. Anakin misses his mother. All of these feelings Obi-Wan tries to teach Anakin to deal with the way he was taught to, which is to say not well at all. (In the comics, Obi-Wan makes Anakin apologise to the bullies he stands up to, but does not make  _them_  apologise for their bullying of Anakin. In doing so he teaches Anakin that he is worth less than them, and that he is wrong to be upset at abuses leveled at him. It is a poor message to send. Frankly, I bet Obi-Wan was forced to do the same thing when he was a boy who got angry at being bullied. 

Obi-Wan would have been a GREAT teacher for Anakin if he’d been taught how to process his own emotions properly, because Obi-Wan actually feels quite deeply, and struggles with his own temper. Unfortunately, the poor methods he was taught get passed down, and Anakin suffers for it. Obi-Wan, naturally, has no idea that what he’s doing is wrong. There is a quote in the old EU, Jedi Quest series, that I find extremely telling:

> “I just…” Anakin stopped. He took a ragged breath. “I thought you would be proud of me.” I am proud of you. Obi-Wan wanted to say the words. They were true. He was proud of so much in Anakin. But now was not the time to tell him that. Or was it?

Obi-Wan does not know how to relate on an emotional level, and they both suffer for it. He is so afraid of the Council’s approval, he fears to show how much he cares and takes pride in Anakin. Won’t that show and/or encourage “attachment”? Won’t that make Anakin arrogant? He doesn’t know what to do, and he has no one to help him. The Council don’t care about anything but Anakin’s potential to destroy the Sith. If they speak of Anakin, as we observe in the PT, it is to question his “destiny.”

By the time, we get to AoTC, Obi-Wan is still in a position of having no support. He tells the Council that Anakin shouldn’t go on that assignment with Padme. He tells them he is concerned for Anakin, and he, better than anyone really, has an idea of Anakin’s feelings for her, but his concerns are ultimately rejected. Mace Windu tells him “we are not displeased with the progress he has made under your tutelage,” which is not criticism, but nor is it praise either. To be “not displeased” is a low bar. What’s more is Obi-Wan is aware of this. In the novelisation, he thinks to himself that he wants to speak of his concerns to the Council, but fears if he says too much, it’ll be unfairly worse to Anakin, and so he bites his tongue. It is a tough position to be in. He hopes that Anakin will realise that Padme is a test. It’s no wonder he tells Anakin before he leaves “do absolutely nothing without checking in with me or the Council.” While I have talked about how this negatively affected Anakin’s self-esteem, and have even made the argument the Jedi Council, (and Obi-Wan), were emotionally and spiritually abusive as a means of trying to control and mold Anakin into the perfect Chosen One in a different essay, I should also like to point out that this phrase also speaks to  _Obi-Wan’s_  own desperation. You will note that Obi-Wan finally truly snaps when he shouts at Anakin at Geonosis. What is most interesting in this scene to me is he yells about how “you will be expelled from the Jedi Order.” Is this really the priority given the possibility of war? Shouldn’t he be focusing more on how they have to stop Dooku? Anakin’s possible expulsion is the least of their worries. There are other more overriding concerns. However, Obi-Wan has risked his position in the Order to train Anakin; if Anakin left now, what will Obi-Wan do? All these years of balancing on a tightrope will be for naught. It’s playing into every single one of his insecurities about being good enough, and  _not_  being rejected my the Order. This is why he yells at Anakin what he does, because Anakin leaving, Anakin being expelled, must mean, he, Obi-Wan, failed, and because he thinks that there should be nothing worse than being expelled, why shouldn’t it make Anakin listen? He doesn’t understand his apprentice’s position.

Obi-Wan’s insecurities never truly are resolved. In RoTS, now that Anakin is knighted and a valued General and war-hero, he can breathe a bit easier. However, he is ultimately used as a go-between for the Council to influence Anakin. He knows it. Anakin knows it. It gets in the way of their relationship. Ultimately, the primary reason Obi-Wan and Anakin fail is because the Order failed them both with a cycle of toxic ideology and practices. They cannot relate to each other as a result. The irony of it is this: Their relationship crumbles because they  _both_  fear rejection, are extremely loyal, and possess a temper. They just haven’t been taught how to handle that. Ergo, because they come from wildly different backgrounds and understandings, they cannot see, in many ways, they are the same. It destroys them, and Obi-Wan even hunts down Anakin on Yoda’s orders, because how can he disobey the Council? He is forever trying to please them.


End file.
